you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
