At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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