I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
