I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
