What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
