Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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