It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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