I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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