Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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