apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
