i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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