if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
