i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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