the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
