So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
40s are totally the cure
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
