How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
