angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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