was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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