His hands were made for my vagina.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
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No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
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I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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