im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
