ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
