I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
