I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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