high people should be assigned attendants
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
