please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My breasts were aching with rage.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
