Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
