this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
