i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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