well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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