Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
