I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we're making bets on your personal life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
