I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
