dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
