By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
