last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Randomize
