you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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