ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
