i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
