he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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