Whod you bang
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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