in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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