i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
