carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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