a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
