We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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