You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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