sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
