its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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