From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
