I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
