I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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