my sisters under your porch take her home
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
