It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
