Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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