I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Randomize
