nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
