we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
