She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Of course I have a pirate flag
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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