I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
