I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
