The maid of honor just puked.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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