Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she peed on how many people?
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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