Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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