Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
