maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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