I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
