paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
