the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
