i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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