If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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