ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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