I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
