...so i touched it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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