my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
