I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Randomize
